I’m Back!

Yes, been a while, ain’t it? ^_^

I’ve been thinking about this blog for a long time, feeling awful that I let it slip. There are so many reasons why this blog was a good idea that I feel the need to pick up again.

So . . . this is me doing that!

Catch Up – Exercise

So what have I been doing since April? Hmm, it’s been a busy few months, that’s for sure. My freebie membership with the gym ended and left me happily running in the park, but of course, I hurt my ankle didn’t I, and was unable to go on? Well, I’m still doing physio for it and finding that I’m not keeping up with the exercises as well as I should be. As a result that ankle (the left one) is still incredible weak and prone to buckling under me at odd moments. I don’t need to be doing something complex, merely walking will do it. That’s something I need to work on.

Beyond that, I’ve found two things I want to try as soon as I gather together the peripherals: 1) hula hooping and 2) 20 minute HIIT routines that I can do in the living room. That second one shouldn’t be too hard (sure I’ll want some weights, but some bottles filled with water will surely be enough for now), but the first? Hmm.

But it looks like so much fun! And it’s something I can do while I’m watching TV. Y’know, stand there, watching Pokémon (don’t judge me!) and spend ten minutes hooping clockwise and the other hooping anti-clockwise.

Meh, I dunno. We’ll see.

Catch Up – Mental Health

Soooooooooooooo much better. I am taking meds now, nearly six months in. It’s great and I feel so much more like myself. I haven’t had any chance to speak with a therapist yet (I’m on a waiting list *grumble grumble*) but the fact that I can function and smile and work is so positive.

Catch Up – Eating Habits

Eeeeerm. Okay.

I’m doing well. I’m taking my time over saying this and doing so in a very public way because it’s necessary for me.

I joined a Slimming World group back in October and have since that date dropped 2st 1lb. Can’t complain about that. And it has all been through changing how I eat.

This morning, however, I had a very emotional moment and spend a good half hour chatting with other members of my group through our Facebook group. They did a great job of reminding me that I am doing well and that I should be more gentle with myself insofar as my expectations. Especially at this time of year.

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And that’s another reason why this blog has been on my mind. It’s the holiday season, Christmas (and a heap of other holidays!). A time of over indulgence, food, drink and everything else in between. No one would be surprised to hear how much people are able to eat and/or put on during December, but I don’t want to be one of those people. I’ve come a long way since October and it’s important that I protect that.

This blog was a brilliant way of keeping me accountable and measuring my efforts. So I’m going to keep it up.

No idea, at this point, how regular posts will be, but at the very least I’ll post after each of my Slimming World meetings which happen on Thursday mornings. As I work more exercise into my day (beyond running around chasing Pokémon, which just doesn’t count . . . don’t judge me! :p) I’ll talk about that too.

For now, thanks for reading, I’m glad to be back. Hope you’re up for joining me on this continued journey.

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Check In: 15

I’m still not  quite back in the habit of doing this regularly. Not that it’s a problem as such, but it does make my updates here pretty sporadic.

Ho hum. Let’s see how it looks.

Last Time This Time
Date 02 April 2016 18 April 2016
Time 3:02 pm 10:40 am
Weight 18st 8lb (118.2kg) 18st 8lb (118.1kg)
Height 5’7.7 (1.72m) 5’7.3 (1.71m)
BMI 40.0 40.4
Body Fat 43.9% 45.0%
Body Fat Mass 51.8kg 53.1kg

Eh.

I’m stunned that these figures haven’t leapt about more than this. I guess it just goes to show how much of a difference the gym makes, even if everything else isn’t quite where I want it to be. The three weekly exercise is keeping things in check rather than letting me spiral back towards where I was. So . . . good stuff (?).

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Check In: 14

I feel like it’s ages since I’ve done this. Ages since I managed to pull myself together enough to just pop into Boots and measure up. On the flip side, I’ve been using my food diary religiously (!) so I’m clearly still paying attention. Even if I’m not quite in a place where I can make sensible decisions on a regular basis.

I look at these numbers and think ‘It could be a hella lot worse.’

Last Time This Time
Date 04 March 2016 02 April 2016
Time 01:41 pm 03:02 pm
Weight 18st 5lb (116.7kg) 18st 8lb (118.2kg)
Height 5’7.7 (1.72m) 5’7.7 (1.72m)
BMI 39.4 40.0
Body Fat 44.6% 43.9%
Body Fat Mass 52.0kg 51.8kg

So, in about a month I’ve regained 3lbs, which, frankly stated, could be dealt with by sitting on the toilet for ten minutes or so. 😉

I’m not as upset about this as I thought I might be. Rather I understand that the black place has knocked me back a little. But I am still working at it, chipping away slowly.

After all, it’s not just about these numbers, right? It’s about my overall mindset, my happiness and fitness.

On that note, I’ve rejoined a gym! ^_^

woman on exercise bike
Credit: SteveLambert

I did it last night, signed up for the newest Pure Gym just down the road from the house. I’m thrilled because I can walk there, meaning I’ve no need to depend on my bike. It also means I can go more often as I’ll be able to get to classes or use the machines while the boys are at school without worrying about if I can get back in time. More than that . . . there are classes! No pool unfortunately, but there are so many classes to choose from that I think it will take a good while for me to get bored.

I’m feeling particularly optimistic about the fact that we’re paying for this gym membership. I know that sounds like an odd thing to say, but it my obsession with money and never having enough of it, means that I’m even less likely to waste the ££s spent by not going. That monthly fee, probably more than my desire to be fitter, will pull me out of the house on cold, muggy mornings and put me in the gym.

I’m looking forward to this. I’m looking forward to this a great deal. ^_^

Oh, and, the other day, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at my local coffee shop. I was stunned because, I didn’t hate my reflection. More than that, I actually . . . liked it. It might just be my awesome hate (!!!) but who cares? I took a picture to remind myself of that feeling.

Looking at it now, I still quite like it. That’s good too.

caught myself in the mirror
Credit: Moi

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Check In (?!?!?!)

Right. Seems like both sets of scales at my local Boots stores are out of commission. And they have no idea when they’re going to fix them.

-_-

Seems like I’ll have to find another way to keep up with my weekly updates. Tell you what though, wandering around town, trying to find scales that work is actually more exercise than I anticipated. There are two more locations I can try for a similar sort of read out to the one I’m used to and of course, they’re on either side of my house, a good mile and a half in each direction.

This week is going to be fun, fun, fun!

. . . honest.
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Check In: 13

Oooooookay. Back to normal with a faint flip to my schedule. Getting into town for my weigh in is a pain in the arse on a Thursday. So, these figures will now turn up on Sundays and I’ll use Thursday for my other posts.

So . . . here we go! Oh, and I did take these figures on Friday, but meh. Have them now.

Last Time This Time
Date 11 February 2016 04 March 2016
Time 10:07 am 01:41 pm
Weight 18st 5lb (116.8kg) 18st 5lb (116.7kg)
Height 5’7.3 (1.71m) 5’7.7 (1.72m)
BMI 39.5 39.4
Body Fat 44.7% 44.6%
Body Fat Mass 52.2kg 52.0kg

Rightyo. So, I’m right back where I was, having dumped that 2kg I was moping about when I last saw Deepa. I wish I had the figures from the weeks I was an unholy, chocolate scoffing mess, but never mind. At least now I know that I’ve been able to kinda-sorta pull things back under control.

Now to keep up the forward momentum and see if I can get past that hump I described way back. Yep. Feeling not positive exactly, but less desolate.

That’s a start, right?
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Check In: 12

No measuring stats today. I know I’m not going to make it into town to get them and I know that the figures aren’t going to be what I hope.

However, this is as good a time as any to talk about my last Get Healthy meeting with Deepa yesterday.

At the penultimate meeting I expected this to be a cheerful chatter over what my future steps would be, a final questionnaire about how things have changed versus when I started the programme and a positive figure on the scales. What I didn’t expect was the decimation of an entire packet of tissues, big-fat-tears and snot. But that’s what I got. 😦

Given my post on Monday, it’s plain I have a lot to work through, not just in terms of getting back on track with healthier lifestyle, but in my overall outlook and mental stamina. Talking with Deepa served to calm me down, bring me out of my own head to look at the bigger picture.

Like I said a couple of weeks back, this isn’t the end. It’s a blip in the road, something that I clearly wasn’t prepared for. The idea now, is that I learn from the experience and formulate a plan to take the hold the next time I suffer a set back I can’t control, like my ankle.

As I trace it back, my mood and subsequent weight gain stems from my ankle injury. Realising I could no longer walk as I wanted, the temporary loss of independence and frustration at losing my ability to run (something I was—and am—very proud of), has put me in a place where I can’t see the good for the bad. Deepa has also helped me see that, despite feeling as though I don’t care, I clearly still do. Enough to continue logging my meals on my app, enough that I pay attention to the steps on my Vivo, enough that I haven’t totally descended into takeaways, chocolate for breakfast and cake every day. The very fact that I’m still posting to this blog is a positive I shouldn’t ignore.

I do still care.

And that is why this perceived failure is so hard.

So . . . my plan is to start again. Not to say I’ll start at my previous weight and work from the top, I mean I’ll use my current weight (118.5 kg by Deepa’s scales) and use that as my baseline. From there I’ll steadily work my steps back up to 10k per day. I’ll continue logging in my food diary and slowly bring my calorie intake back down to a weight-loss level. I’ll return to a form of exercise that I can do gently and slowly increase. I’ll make concentrated efforts to ensure eight hours sleep a night. I’ll talk to people. I’ll ask for help.

These are all things I’ve stopped doing and contributory to the sensation of helplessness, anger and disappointment. The fact remains that I can change all these things, so long as I do them one at a time.

For now then, it’s chin up, positive thoughts engaged and one day at a time. That’s really all I can do.
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Check In: 11

-_- My head is full of cold, my face aches and my ankle hurts. I guess this is still the low end of my little wheel of moods, right? No doubt I’ll be back to normal soon, but in the mean time, all I really want to do is lie on the sofa and eat crisps.

Not great.

Last Time This Time
Date 04 February 2016 11 February 2016
Time 10:27 am 10:07 am
Weight 18st 4lb (116.2kg) 18st 5lb (116.8kg)
Height 5’7.3 (1.71m) 5’7.7 (1.72m)
BMI 39.7 39.5
Body Fat 42.4% 44.7%
Body Fat Mass 49.2kg 52.2kg

Yep. It’s that bouncing back up thing. This, I know, is a combination of no exercise and (extremely) poor diet choices.

I’m doing my best to pull it all together, but I acknowledge being ill puts everything out of whack. If I’m honest, I just don’t cope with it very well.

My ankle continues to be a pain and though I have an ultrasound book for Monday, everyone I’ve spoken to about ankle injuries is quick to tell me how long the take to heal. We’re talking weeks if not months. So, it hasn’t put me in a very positive frame of mind.

I’ve been swimming (twice this week) but I miss being out in the park, pounding the tarmac. Sounds weird right? I miss running. Guess all I can do is wait and see what Monday brings and go on from there. In the mean time, lay off the comfort chocolate, do gentle exercises and try make a concentrated effort to stay positive.
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