Conversations With The Funk Master #002

I talk quite candidly with my other half. Don’t we all? Anyway, we often have conversations about what I’m doing, how I’m getting on and how they make me feel.

This series of posts will share some of those conversations with you, 1) because they’re funny and 2) because, in years to come, I want to remember how awesome and supportive he has been.

Let’s go:

Scene: We’re getting ready for bed, he’s already tucked up and comfortable, I’m wriggling about trying to get comfortable.

Me: . . . does my face look skinny?

TFM: *thoughtful* Yes, I suppose so. You lost a lot of weight in your face last time.

Me: Weird. It makes my head all tiny.

*I finally manage to get comfy. Ish.*

Me: Ugh. This is weird. I’m all soft.

TFM: What?

Me: My boob. Look at that. It’s all soft and floppy.

*demonstrates*

Me: In fact I could—wait—look, I can. I can get it in my mouth. Both of them, look!

TFM: Okay . . .

Me: Great. So you’re going to end up with a tall and slim girlfriend, that’s great, but she’ll have saggy boobs.

TFM: *laughing* Okay.

Me: But I don’t want saggy boobs. I need to hurry up with the ‘rich and famous thing’ so I can get a tuck and a boooooooooobie lift. What do you think?

TFM: You don’t need it.

Me: No?

TFM: No. You’re still beautiful whatever you weigh.

Me: . . . okay. G’night!

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