Weak As A Willow, Strong As An Oak

The saga continues! Both my boys are ill and I’ve had to keep them off school today. Worst part is, now I’ve dosed them up with Calpol, they’re running around the house like happy-go-lucky lunatics. o.O I take comfort in the fact that they have disgusting, chesty coughs and that, even though they’re cheerful, they probably shouldn’t be around other kids.

However . . . I did just have to cancel my second CBT appointment. 😦

It’s not the end of the world. Rational Me knows this and I’ve already spoken with my therapist to clear the rescheduling. However, I’m learning that changes to my plans, especially changes that I can’t control, throw me off balance in a significant way and often leave me raw and unsettled for at least half a week afterwards.

I knew this might be coming. I took precautions yesterday, such as planning ahead with meals and completing a 30 min run that normally would be happening now. I even figured out what my ‘treats’ would be, since my reflex to stress is still to turn to food. I feel I’ll have control and a much better chance of getting through this day unscathed.

oak tree
Credit: PolyLingua

I could have pushed on, stood rigid and tried to continue my day as I planned. I could have forced the boys to school, done my run and then cycled the two miles to my appointment. I could have stood tall, strong (like the oak) and immovable in my plans. I’m aware, however, that at any point in the day, a call from the school would have been likely, asking me to collect my miserable,  lurgy-ridden sons. I consider that scenario to be the gale-force wind from the north.

In that scenario, having change forced on me, interrupting work, possibly having to cut short my CBT, I would have been pissed as hell, stressed and strung out. Like the oak against those winds, my attempts to stand tall would have ended in a big fat crack in my trunk (mind). I may even have toppled over completely.

B&W willow outline
Credit: IggyOblomov

But changing, working with the things I can’t control and working around them has allowed me to avoid breaking and stay standing. Just like the willow which bends with the high winds. It’s supple and loose, ‘weak’ and yet, not.

Heh. The willow has always been my favourite type of tree. I think I know why now.

da shared brain signature

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