No round up of the week today. The week has been rather shitty, which is exactly why this topic *points* is probably a good one to cover.
First up, that pain in my ankle? I finally went to the GP and she reckons it’s probably a torn Achilles tendon. She pressed her fingers to the back of my ankle and told me to bend my foot. I did it, but I could feel everything inside grinding as I performed the motion. Far worse, she could feel it too.
I’m not happy. This, obviously means no cycling, no gym and certainly no running, the one thing I was certain was going to keep me going. Yes, there are other things I can do (swimming, for instance, assuming I can get to the pool) but the news has really knocked me on my metaphorical and mental arse. And I haven’t gotten up yet.
What I have done instead, is eat. A shit load.
Yesterday I snarfed a mini Mars bar during my critique group without thinking about it and the night before that (the day of my GP visit) I guzzled a whole bag of microwave popcorn and an entire tub of salt and vinegar Pringles in front of the TV with my ankle propped on a gi-normous stack of pillows. There might have been a couple of Malteaster Bunnies in there too.
So I’d say that counts as ‘eating my emotions.’
I’m in a rotten mood because I can’t exercise the way I want, I’m feeling stressed because my work is suffering as a result, and I’m frustrated that I can do the fun things I usually do with my boys like rush up and down the streets with them and play chase games with their cars.
My learned response to those feelings is to eat terrible, terrible foods.
I’m not sure of exactly how I’m going to combat this, since my usual methods of coping are off limits right now (rigorous exercise, or at least a super-fast walk around the block), but I’m writing this as a means to acknowledge that I know what’s happening. I truly believe that acknowledging and accepting the issue is the very first step. Now that I’ve done this (publicly too, I might add!) I can now take steps to change the behaviour.
I’ve already started: instead of watching a film last night, I stayed up and worked on the editing for my latest novel. By keeping my mind occupied, I avoided the mindless hand-to-mouth motion that often happens when I watch TV. I’ve also made a specific point of staying away from Tesco. Since I know I’m fragile and weak willed right now, I know that visiting the store will only see me trundling home with more naughty treats. I even made sure I was in bed by 10:30 pm last night, something I know my body is already thanking me for.
Emotional eating is a very real problem, something that sabotages my efforts more than anything else I might do day by day, week by week. If you’ve come to this post looking for help to combat it, I’m sorry, right now, I’m not in a position to help you do that. More that I want this post to let you know that you aren’t alone and that there are small things you might be able to do that will help. And, of course, once you get past the funk (which I hope to do pretty damn soon) you’ll have far more control over your eating decisions.
It might put you back a little but, isn’t the whole world about ups and downs?