I have this mad (but growing) urge to listen to a portion of next week’s podcast to see what’s coming. Simultaneous to that, I have a mad desire to crawl into a box, tape myself in and never come out.
Couch To 5k – Week Four, Run Three: Complete
Today was . . . rough. I mean, I did it and at the end I was still gleeful about it, but now I’m really, really scared. I’m inwardly very concious of how hard this week has been in terms of running: those five minute chunks of non-stop jogging are probably as tough as I’ve been on my body since having twins pop out of me and next week it’s only going to get tougher. And it’s going to keep getting tougher.
I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to manage the run come Monday and that irritates me. Actually no, it angers me. I’m pissed that I’m psyching myself out of enjoying what I’m doing, especially when I’ve done so well to this point. It doesn’t take genius to figure out that things feel harder because I’m doing more, but there’s still an utterly irrational part of me that is thinking about Monday with a burning sense of dread.
Then again, who says fear is rational?
Maybe I should just listen to the damn thing, or at least get a sense of where it will take me. That could stop me worrying . . . or it could make things a million times worse and ensure that I stay in bed on Monday morning.
Right now, as I stand here typing at my standing desk, I can honestly say I have no idea if I’ll be able to drag myself into the gym on Monday. The way I feel right now, I just . . . I dunno.
While I running today, I kept having these vivid flashes of my body shooting off the end of the treadmill because I’d lost my footing. I’d hit the stationary bike behind me, crack my head and break my ankle. -_- The imagination of a writer, eh? Then I’d have another flash and imagine myself running across a white line marking the end of a 5k race.
It was a really bizarre morning.
Maybe the weekend will make me feel better. Maybe it won’t . . . uuuugh! I’m not normally so much of a yo-yo.
What do you guys think? Should I listen to the podcast for next week or just wait until the moment?