Today is Friday. I haven’t had nearly enough sleep but I’m bright and peppy and I hardly care that I got rained on while cycling back from the gym. Oh yes, my bike is fixed and it had a full service too. Good thing, because it really needed some TLC.
Anyway, why so happy?
I’ve started to notice things in my body. Changes. Just small ones, but they are so important because it means what I’m doing really is having an affect on my health and appearance.
I was studying myself in the mirror today while on the elliptical. Something I try not to do—I hate looking at myself!—but the mirror is right in my face and two of the four walls are covered that way, so I don’t have much choice. But I was looking at my face. And the top half of my upper body, like from the elbows up. I noticed the shape of my neck and the line of my jaw. The curve of my shoulders and the slope from my throat down into my boobs. Different. Not massively different, but I can see shapes underneath that I’m guessing is a mix of bone and muscle. Things I’ve not seen before. And my upper arms look different doing. While doing the leg lifts, I watched the muscles shifting in my thighs and realised that I couldn’t see those before either. Even when I sat down, rather than (just) seeing fat move around, I saw the pulling and loosening of muscle. It had to be muscle because fat doesn’t do that.
I also saw Deepa yesterday, my coach as part of the Get Healthy programme. Compared to the misery of Tuesday, yesterday was a marvellous breath of fresh air. Not only am I able to speak with Deepa on a one-to-one basis (which I’m learning is very important for me) but she doesn’t make me feel like a failure for set backs or slip ups. Her attitude is constantly positive and encouraging and I find it very easy to talk to her about all the issues I’m having. So we talked for the full hour yesterday, about the results of my last Check In, my experience at LEAP, my sudden cold-turkey stance on snacking, now that I’m going to bed so much earlier. The affect of my changing diet on things like my face and arms . . . it was wonderful and I came away not hating myself.
The biggest news though, is what the scales said. Now . . . I should mention that Deepa’s stance has always been that the scales aren’t the most important thing. Right from the start she told me that her focus with me is about how I feel, what happens in my clothing, developing healthy habits and installing lifestyle changes that last. Because that, in turn, makes a change on the scales that prevails.
Following Tuesday I couldn’t even look at the bloody thing. I didn’t want to see what it said and almost refused to look until, very gently, she said, ‘Just have a look. Go on.’
I’ll admit right now that I swore a bit and leapt off those scales as though they were burning. After some (okay, a lot) of coaxing, I got back on, looked at the numbers myself and watched them flicker between 129.9 kg and 123.0 kg.
To say I’m ecstatic is an understatement.
I feel like I finally have some momentum and, last night I even went to the wardrobe and pulled out one of my hooded shrugs that I haven’t worn for a while. It’s not loose, but it certainly feels better across the chest and shoulders than the last time I wore it. ^_^
This is the sort of positive thing I want to be able to share more of. Tiny, almost insignificant steps that all pile one on top of the other to make something bigger and more noticeable. Here’s to more changes!