I talk quite candidly with my other half. Don’t we all? Anyway, we often have conversations about what I’m doing, how I’m getting on and how they make me feel.
This series of posts will share some of those conversations with you, 1) because they’re funny and 2) because, in years to come, I want to remember how awesome and supportive he has been.
Scene: He’s getting ready to head up, wrapped up for the cold weather. I’ve just come out the shower and I’m parading in a towel.
Me: Does my breath smell?
*TFM ducks well out of reach*
TFM: Does it what?
Me: Does my breath smell? Come back, you need to be close to smell it. Come on, come here. *breathes hard* Well? Does it?
TFM: Um, not overly. Not, like, minty or anything. Why?
Me: One of the questions on that Facebook group I’m part of asks ‘when you’re losing weight, where does all the fat go?’ A lot of the answers say ‘you breathe it out’ but then your breath should smell. I want to know if my breath smells.
TFM: Um . . . that sounds like . . . it’s not true.
Me: I dunno. Maybe it’s not, but it’s a good question. Where does the fat go? I’m going to Google it.
TFM: Right. Okay, well you know what I think?
TFM: Don’t worry about it.
TFM: Your breath doesn’t smell and you’re doing just fine.
The saga continues! Both my boys are ill and I’ve had to keep them off school today. Worst part is, now I’ve dosed them up with Calpol, they’re running around the house like happy-go-lucky lunatics. o.O I take comfort in the fact that they have disgusting, chesty coughs and that, even though they’re cheerful, they probably shouldn’t be around other kids.
However . . . I did just have to cancel my second CBT appointment. 😦
It’s not the end of the world. Rational Me knows this and I’ve already spoken with my therapist to clear the rescheduling. However, I’m learning that changes to my plans, especially changes that I can’t control, throw me off balance in a significant way and often leave me raw and unsettled for at least half a week afterwards.
I knew this might be coming. I took precautions yesterday, such as planning ahead with meals and completing a 30 min run that normally would be happening now. I even figured out what my ‘treats’ would be, since my reflex to stress is still to turn to food. I feel I’ll have control and a much better chance of getting through this day unscathed.
I could have pushed on, stood rigid and tried to continue my day as I planned. I could have forced the boys to school, done my run and then cycled the two miles to my appointment. I could have stood tall, strong (like the oak) and immovable in my plans. I’m aware, however, that at any point in the day, a call from the school would have been likely, asking me to collect my miserable, lurgy-ridden sons. I consider that scenario to be the gale-force wind from the north.
In that scenario, having change forced on me, interrupting work, possibly having to cut short my CBT, I would have been pissed as hell, stressed and strung out. Like the oak against those winds, my attempts to stand tall would have ended in a big fat crack in my trunk (mind). I may even have toppled over completely.
But changing, working with the things I can’t control and working around them has allowed me to avoid breaking and stay standing. Just like the willow which bends with the high winds. It’s supple and loose, ‘weak’ and yet, not.
Heh. The willow has always been my favourite type of tree. I think I know why now.
I try to identify triggers for low mood, so I can do something about it, but the only thing I can pin point close to when this mood started is the snow last week. It hit last Friday, remember? As a result I wasn’t able to do the last run in my Couch To 5k week one and it really threw me out. In fact, it mucked up my entire day. Then over the weekend I couldn’t find time to slot the run in, so it rolled around to Monday again.
So I started over.
But also, on Monday, I finally (FINALLY!) had my first session of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). I’ve been on the waiting list for this since I first got referred by my GP back in April (!!!) and I had thought I didn’t need it any more. Glad I still went in, but boy has it left me raw. And that was just an opening admin session. My therapist believes I have post natal depression (yeeeeey) and that, together, we can work on my behaviours to better cope with regular issues I’ll have day by day just through being a mum (yey – non sarcastic this time).
But I’m guessing it bothered me more than I let on. Then, come Thursday, I skipped into Slimming World expecting something amazing and came away with a measly 0.5lb loss.
Meh. A loss is a loss and I should be happy with that, but I was hoping for so much more. But if I’m truly honest with myself, I know that I’ve not been on plan as firmly as I have in previous weeks. So this shouldn’t be unexpected.
Anyway, this morning I woke feeling bleak and decided I would go for a run anyway. It’s the third one of the week which means the first podcast is now complete. I feel somewhat less bleak now, sitting here, having had the exercise. Still, the act of running can be compared to running away from pain/stress/anger/sadness, so from a mental placebo point of view, I do feel like I’ve outrun something. Not sure what though. o.O
But I’m still not myself. I can feel that. And I’m not sure what to do about it.
Unless . . .
My Slimming World Facebook group has been and continues to be super supportive even in an oblique way and many folk have been posting now and then photos. It made me think about this blog and the changes I’ve made since starting it so . . . it can’t hurt to do the same here, right? Just a quick side by side photo to see what’s changed?
Well, let’s see:
Hmm. -_- I can’t see much difference at all, but it’s my body, so that’s understandable. Maybe you can? I don’t normally ask for responses directly, but if you do look at these two pics and see a difference anywhere (beyond location! :-p) it would really help me to hear what you see.
For now, I think I’m going to head off and come up with a nice healthy lunch to take the edge off this made urge to snack I can feel creeping up on me. After all, I don’t want to unravel my knitting, right?
Okay, more like ‘run into the wind until your eyes stream with tears’ but I did it. Another run down, followed by 20 minutes of fabulous yoga stretching.
I’m having such a good time getting back to exercise the way I used to. Indeed it changes the shape of my whole day, either knowing I have exercise to come, or that I’ve already down 45-60 mins worth of exercise.
My goals are small for the moment, I just want to be sure that I do at least 30 mins every day, be that on the Wii or out and about. That should enable me to get my 10,000 steps in while keeping me in the habit.
You know that ache in my muscles I used to talk about after a good workout? Well that’s back. Never thought I’d be so pleased to be in pain, lol. I can move far freer than usual and my flexibility is back too. Getting my hands flat to the floor with straight legs is my mini goal, but I can already tuck my fingers under my toes as far as the first knuckle, so I’m back to where I was before. Which is nice.
Tomorrow I have my next Slimming World weigh in. I’m actually really excited about it (weird, right?) but I have the same good feeling about this week as I did last week. And, I don’t know if I told you, but last week (so the week following new year) I lost 7lbs. So that recovers the 4.5lbs I put on over Christmas and then some. ^_^ I’ll take that!
Only 4lbs until my 2.5 stone award. Which I reeeeeeeeeeeeeally want! Wish me luck!
Yep. It really is back to basics in terms of exercise. All last week I made sure to spend at least 20 minutes on the Wii Fit. Mostly yoga, but I also added a smattering of muscle and balance exercises. It’s not much, but it’s more than I was doing before and I’ve already seen an improvement in my balance and stride.
Then, this morning . . .
Yes! Back out in the wide world, not at the gym, but running! ^_^
It’s been so long—nearly a year—since I did a few laps of the park, but it felt so GOOD! I’m back on Couch to 5k, and I’m not crazy, so I’ve gone right back to week one of the podcast (I wasn’t kidding about back to basics), which alternates 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking.
It was tough, I won’t lie, but the whole time, I kept reminding myself that this time last year, I was running for a full half hour. That kept me going and, towards the end, I barely noticed the 60 seconds passing. It makes me hopeful for the next few weeks. Imagine, by my birthday, I’ll back to 30 minute runs. Talk about an awesome birthday present!